coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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