You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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