69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
