Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think people are normalizing furries
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
