Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
