So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
