Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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