He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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