This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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