You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
