That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
