He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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