Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
