i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
