Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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