Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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