I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
