Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
