What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
