Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
