What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
