note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
