We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
