Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
