I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
