i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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