dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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