i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
