its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
