Best friends brother. Beat that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
