guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
