Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
