She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
