Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
