so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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