erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
