rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
