I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
