# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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