Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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