I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
