Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
