I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
