It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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