So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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