i permit you to call me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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