im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
