So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
