this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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