I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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