I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
