went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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