Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want nice things and good sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
