Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
