perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
