Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
