who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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